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Our Everest expedition took more than a year of planning. We had to search for sponsors (that at the end, I didn't find in Brazil, apart of the air tickets sponsored by Snake shoes) necessary to cover the expedition costs that reached about US$ 200.000,00. However, I managed go on leave for 3 months and live without earnings for that period. I lived for two months above an altitude of 5,400m. And, in a weather, where normal human life exist in considerable discomfort!
I lost more than 10 kilos in weight. I eat and drink for pure obligation, without pleasure (a strange experience), stayed for days inside a tent because the weather didn't allow me to play outside. And when I finally can go out, it is for long journeys to where altitude, wind, temperature and lack of oxygen are almost insupportable for human life.
All of this is for one single goal, to stay for a few minutes on the summit of Mt Everest, and to return as fast as possible. Knowing in advance that many die in the way back, many don't reach the tents in time, before the sun sets, and suffer some permanent injury from frostbite - if they make it to survive.
So why do we try to climb these high mountains? In our lucid moments, we ask ourselves why? And for those who aren't climbers it is indeed difficult to understand this, what is totally natural for a climber.
For me climbing high mountains is not only a sport, but also a hobby. It is like a GAME. A personal game, of me, beside me and against me.
The mountain is only the field to play, and the summit is a personal first prize. Like many shall imagine, erroneously in my point of view, leaving the game is extremely easy, because one of the adversaries is the psychological factor of the question "What am I doing here?",…. however give up of playing is frustrating.
It is a waste and throwing away of all those difficulties won, unless the reason for giving up is much higher than the mountain summit, and that is what happened to us.
Our chances to reach the Everest summit was great, because we had overcame two, out of the three major obstacles to climb Everest from the Tibetan side. Our position to go for the third big challenge, the final stretch to reach the summit, was perfect - with plenty of oxygen and a Sherpa team to help us.
We turned back because one member of the team was in difficulties and we were a team, and also, and mainly, we were friends. At that moment my feelings were those I described, of relief; my body and my mind thanked the decision. But, at the same time that I felt sad for having to leave the game, although never truly frustrated.
And who are the players who contribute? If it is me beside me and against me? and the mountain is just the field?
In favor for us were:
the physical and mental previous preparation
the team members
the organisation of the expedition
the care we took with food and hydrating
adequate gear and oxygen
and Sherpas availability to help
the motivating environment of respect between the team members
being a team
and the supreme wish to reach the limit in safety
The Everest was the field with its traps, like the thin air, the cold, the wind, technical problems and avalanches.
The adversaries were… inside ourselves.
The mountain is never the adversary.
Besides the weather, the major adversaries were the conditions imposed by the harsh environment to our bodies and minds. The higher we used to get, the bigger the amount of calories we needed, however we couldn't feed ourselves in a proper way.
Nausea and intolerance to the food occur and we start to force feeding - I lost 10 kilos after 2 months in the altitudes. The drastic lower air pressure forces the heart to work much more, hyperventilation occurs with big loss of liquids, and the higher the altitude, the dryer the air is.
It is also necessary to drink more, just as it happen with food, drinking is also difficult, it is not a pleasure, on the contrary it is a "work"; it is the environment forcing ourselves to go down.
Yet, the most powerful adversaries are not these physiological reactions, but the mental reactions. The mind starts to de-motivate us of going up, because we are going to altitudes where life is not possible and it knows it and tries to save us. The first symptom is that the climbing start to lose it's meaning, and the question of "what am I doing here?" gets stronger and harder to be answered.
A part of us still resists and the mind starts an even harder and wild process. Feelings like loss and guilt start to grow. We start to feel a loss of everything we have here, family, friends, places. The fear of not coming back and not seeing anymore the people we like; the guilt for being there on our own choice, and for exposing ourselves to the risk of losing our lives. It is really a fascinating and a terrible game at the same time. For those who wish to explore this world, it is compulsory to be conscious of these factors, and above all, have the knowledge of when to stop, either for your own life or for a fellow of yours.
Now, sitting here in front of a computer, at a pleasant temperature with lots of oxygen to breath, it would be a big hypocrisy from me to say that I am frustrate for not reaching the summit of Everest.
Obviously I was there for that, however the giant-ness of Everest does not allow, sincerely, this kind of feeling. The fact of being at the foothills of Everest for more than two months, as a real team, was for me an extraordinary experience.
Reaching the summit, the top of the mountain we wanted to reach, is very good and very important. However, this is not the most important. What is most important is the trying, always try, take part in the game, and never, but really never giving up of what you want.
Gil
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